End of the Quarter Reflection

Wow. 11 more weeks done. Mark it down in the books.

The last couple months of my life have seemed like a time warp. I finished up yet another quarter at Ai. As weeks go by I work hard to get everything finished, when I start to realize that my blog entries are getting left behind. Now I sit here at the end of the quarter still full of emotions and questions. Instead I was silent when it came to all my showings and edits. I so longed for my own feedback but my blog stayed silent. I then began to reflect on the quarter as a whole and discuss from there. I used my teacher’s suggested questions to start a good conversation in my brain.

1. How has your senior project in its edited form differed from your original intention and why do you think these changes have occurred (think beyond the practical problems, like you couldn’t get a certain location, and look deeper at your theme, style, story and purpose for creating this story – what from these elements have changed and why).  

I did not really think as my film as different from my original plan until I was in the editing room. While I was writing I thought that in order my script to be done it had to be perfect and understandable. I mistook understandable as meaning that there is more words. But what I have learned in the editing room is that less is more. That you can get a point across without having to hand hold your audience. The first couple edits I did not want to drop any dialogue or present things not in the order they were supposed to be, but I’ve since begun to chop away and have found it refreshing.

This quarter I sometimes felt like my senior film was playing catch up to everything else and lately I’ve tried to give it more TLC and I can see the difference. My theme is no longer just about self awareness and connection to others but that of something of a journey from within. I knew the character’s had an under lying similar relatable to each other but as I began to edit I found more of myself and my internal struggles within the characters. The fact that I wasn’t able to shoot my ending scares me and upsets me. I want to be successful with this and I fear the outside look seems as if I am not trying etc. But the fact that I am a little behind doesn’t change the fact that  I still care and am passionate about this film. I’m doing it for me and not for anyone else.  Therefore, this battle from within will be satisfied similar to that of my characters.

My style has changed in the past week. I went from being a pretty conserved editor to a more gutsy editor and this could change the overall view of my film and for the first time I am okay with that. Like I said before, when you cut your cord from what your film was “supposed to be” to what it is become the possibilities are endless.

2. What do you now know about your own abilities/skills that you didn’t realize at the outset (where you do well and where you still struggle)?  

The amount of knowledge that I have learned in the last year at Ai has been astronomical. My abilities and skills has grown leaps and bounds. Just the Senior Project alone is the single handed most difficult thing that I have ever done in my life. My confidence in my own decision making ability has led me to discover my own style which I never thought I had but once you feel confortable it sort of comes out. My producer skills grew a ton in terms of organization skills. Im’m never someone to do this ASAP but in producing there is no better time then the present.

My writing skills were something else that shocked me. I realized how natural it is for me to feel connected to story and I think that its really helped me develop my own script and characters as well as that of my classmates. I’m fascinated in the study of character’s and I’ve been enjoyed putting on various character lenses to try and see things through their specific eye. I think my biggest lesson that I still need to learn is that of time management. As you know I still have a scene to film and though I did try I need to get this baby shot. But it has given me an advantage in the sense I can still add elements to strengthen my story. But, overall I still need to find time for things long before it is too late. This is something that I will carry forth once time becomes more sensitive in my work.

Final Thoughts

 Ahh, I am still in shock as to where I am not only in this project but my schooling. I wish so badly to be done but I am scared for what is to come. Ai has become my home away from home even though a large chunk of my time is spent running around and logging crazy hours it keeps me busy. I think I will miss the challenge of constantly being creative and inventive. It really keeps my imagination a desire to create strong. I will miss this wide range of possibilities of what I can create from stuff from school. Also, the friendships that I have made through this school will be forever missed once it’s over. To call them friends is an understatement Ai has grown to be a family. The instructor’s with such a deep investment in our projects, lives and futures is rare to extinct in and among colleges. So looking back on this project and where I am, I’d say I am happy. Things could have obviously went better but then I’d have nothing to learn.I cannot wait to see the outcome of all my classmates videos and I cannot wait to see them and their successes as well as my own and that of the DFVP program. We may be new but what we lack in program existence we make up for in heart and creativity and I considere myself a proud member of this program at Ai.

Currently Listening to;

Artist: Arcade Fire Song: Haiti Album: Funeral

Work load…..Wahhh

This quarter has been insanity. I feel like I work 80 hours a week. I spend more time with my classmates then with my own family or friends. I usually don’t eat food until I’m in the car driving to another location and dinner is usually served around 2:00 am out of a pizza box. I’ve slept on anything and everything coaches to office floors. Sleep haha I have no idea what that is. Hours of sleep has become a an endangered species for film students and especially me. I don’t want you to think I am complaining because truthfully I love it. In the moment I sometimes feel miserable but looking back on it and looking ahead to the future where I won’t have so many opportunities, I’m going to miss it. With that said, I guess the purpose of this post is to film you in on some of the other projects I have going on.

Multi-Camera Class-

This class as been one of the most challenging but fun classes that I have taken at Ai. We got to shoot a Hip Hop  concert event as well as pitch a reality show and create a pilot episode. I have gotten to shoot some awesome locations such as the Fine Line Music Cafe, Northern Brewer, Summit Brewery as well as several other places. This class has really made me push myself and I have really enjoyed it.

EFP –

This class is called Electronic Field Production. It is a class that is most similar to documentary filmmaking then any other class that our school has. We have had to research a news piece, do an artist piece as well as an important history and last an experimental piece.

I’m scared because my academic career is coming to a close and I am going to miss all the fun things I get to do. I know this post doesn’t really have anything to do with my senior film but I figured it would be cool to update some of you as to what else I am doing. Plus its a beautiful Saturday in March in Minnesota 🙂

Theme Song of the Day:

Happy Pills – Norah Jones

Winding Road

Hello,

So I have been M.I.A. lately my second to last college quarter has been anything but easy. A couple weeks ago we had our first assembly edit due and it was nerve wracking. It was the first time I had really ever shown anything that was 100% my own and to say I was nervous would be an understatement. I went first and everyone gave their feedback I started to feel like I had a lot of work ahead of me and I did. I knew there was going to be feedback and such but what was hard for me is when I felt like some of my work was compared to my other classmates and it seemed to be a tough pill to swallow. I couldn’t help but sit there and be conflicted and upset. I think it was the hardest day for me in my academic career. I on one hand am extremely excited about all my classmates work but it’s starting to dawn on my that these people are going to be gunning for the same positions as me. I just couldn’t stop but feeling discouraged. It took me a little while to get over it. I think the turning point for me was a discussion with one of my instructors. She pointed out that if you are comparing yourself to other’s you’ll never get any better. Being a good filmmaker isn’t about being the best. It’s about having the ability to admit that you’ll never be the best. That’s really what filmmaking is about it’s an ever changing field and you should never be comfortable, you have to constantly be pushing yourself. If you open yourself up the amount of knowledge will be endless. I took all that she said home and chewed on it awhile. I came to the conclusion that being the best isn’t the single reason why I chose this path. I chose to be a filmmaker, a story teller, an artist because it is in my soul, it makes me happy. I feel most at ease with myself when I can be creative. Then it dawned on me, that this film isn’t being made for anyone and everyone. It’s a constitution of myself and as along as I am happy with it at the end of the day, then it’s considered a success.

Song I’m Currently Listening To:

Songbird – Fleetwood Mac

Starting The Editing Process

Hello All

Well I am in week 2 of my second to last quarter at Ai. Holy, time flies! I still have so much to do but there is light at the end of the very very long tunnel that is my college career. I am eager to be done but I know that I will miss it once it’s gone. I have started to editing process of my film. I am currently finishing up the transcoding of my footage so that it will all be the same codec when I bring it into Final Cut Pro. I can then start to put the pieces together. Our assembly edits are do Thursday January 26th. Eeek that is so soon! But, my instructor Ben made a good point he said that the sooner we get the story laid out the sooner the fun begins. It’s just scary looking at those GB’s of footage!! I still have some things I need too shoot still so I am a little behind so I am currently trying to finalize those so that I can finally call it a wrap on this bad boy. But, for now I am really happy with everything so far. I am so proud of my whole cast and crew they worked their butts off. I hope they all know just how much I appercaite them 🙂 But I am now going to be updating this blog more often now, now that I am done with most of my shooting. So please stay tuned because there will be a lot more updates coming your way and you can see how close I am getting to making this thing as perfect as it deserves to be.

I also added some Production Stills that were taken by my good friend and classmate Michelle (Shelly) Benson. They are under the Production Stills tab so make sure you check those out because they are a sneak peek as to whats to come 🙂 Enjoy!

Listening to Gotye – Making Mirrors

All That I Got

Hello All.

I hope I find everyone doing well on this fine and early late November morning. It’s currently 2:25 am the Sunday night before I head back to school after a mini Thanksgiving break. I had a nice and relaxing but busy break. I’m still recovering from my now unknown illness that is still trying to bring me down but I will not let it. I go to the doctor tomorrow in between my classes. This has become a pattern for me juggling a million things in one day. I’ve had a busy month of November. I’ve also had a really crappy month of November, but November happens to be the month in which Thanksgiving falls into. Every year it comes and it’s a day of way too much food and family but this year was the first year in awhile where I really felt thankful. Like I said on Facebook before this year has thrown several curve balls my way. But spite that I have never felt more blessed. I was always a firm believer that the true power of humans comes when they’ve hit a rock bottom. What I didn’t expect was that that when that individual hits rock bottom the true power of humans doesn’t come from the sole person it comes from the community of people surrounding them. I’ve been in a state of aw at the people in my life. I’ve had so much help, respect, patience and love thrown my way lately that words cannot describe the emotions I have felt. I sit here tonight just on my knees in debt to everyone who has helped me in anyway this month. I honestly, don’t think that I could have gotten through this month without you. With that being said I’ll bring the focus back to the purpose of this blog my Senior Project.

I’ve been lost in all the hustle and bustle of equipment checkouts, scheduling, money, and crews and other productions that I lost that spark between me and my script. Shane my new and lovely Director of Photography and I re looked at what I had and realized somethings had to change. For both shooting purposes and as well as I just didn’t click with it anymore. We spent an astounding amount of time together rethinking and reworking my story. My job over break was to but all these ideas into the script. Naturally, I procrastinated a bit part I wanted to catch up on sleep and part I was scared that I didn’t love this story anymore. After trying to force myself to write it for a couple hours I sat back and cleared my head took a long hot shower and just reminisced about all the stuff I have been going through. I related myself to my characters again and it clicked and there I was back at the like MacBook that could writing away. I just finished a rewrite of probably 90% of my script. Though, it is not entirely done yet and I may have to change a lot of it I am happy to report I love it. It’s me again, it’s my message it’s what I want to tell. It’s my soapbox that I am happy to stand on and shout out to the world that this is the thing I want to say. So, I know I haven’t posted much lately about the story but I promise you that It’s coming along. As well as shooting. I have 3 scenes shot and I love them. They are more magical and beautiful then I imagined. I have an amazing group of actors that care enough about my words and message that they are giving it their all and I am so thankful for them. Also, my crew, though it has been very small at times has been amazing. What we lack in size and man power we make up for in passion and hard work. I am so proud of everyone who has stepped up to the plate for my movie. I for the first time in a long time is at  a loss for words (yes yes I know for those of you who know me well, I know it seemed impossible haha). but truthfully I am at a loss. Tomorrow I share my newly structured story with people and I hope to God they like it because this thing is turning out to be the guts, soul, flesh and blood of me and I am giving it all I got. Because honestly at the end of the day all you really can do is throw yourself into something you love 100% because you gotta have something to stand for otherwise you really don’t have much of anything else.

Music currently keeping me sane:

Slow Club

I shoot when? This weekend…..Holy Crap…[Insert mini mental breakdown here]

And so it begins……

The moment has finally come. I shoot this Sunday night. I picked what I thought would be a simple scene and it turns out that there is no such thing as a simple scene, at least not for a student who is writing, producing, directing, and editing their own 30 page short narrative. But, this is what its all about right? Somewhere between all the headaches is when you fall in love with what you are doing. For me it has always been about the story. It has always been about the characters and the importance of their existence and why their story is worth telling. I feel like the hustle and bustle of being a producer as led me to lose sight of that but it is nice to be settling back down into just getting it right for not just me and my film but for all the other people involved. I am blown away with the amount of talented people I have the luxury of working with and learning from. I just get more and more amazed by the people I have somehow convinced to work with me. Not only work with me but believe in the story of Joseph and Renee and to emotional connect with them. I sort of feel like a parent letting me children go off into the world and then getting a little reassurance that I didn’t mess it up. Anyway this is my moment to treat this blog as a therapy session. But in all honesty I am so excited to begin this and finish it. It is the biggest thing that I have ever taken on and I am excited to see what it becomes.
Lights, Camera, ACTION!!

Sunday November 13th – Scene # 3 Int. & Ext. Joseph’s Car – Night(Check out the Production portion of my website for more info on shoot)

Rockin out to: Jenny Lewis Acid Tongue – 2008

Holy Cow

Hello & Happy Halloween!!!

So its been awhile, a very long while. I have been busy at work trying to lock locations, create schedules, cast and finish writing my script. I have been working so hard I have been fighting off a nasty case of pneumonia that just simply will not go away. But, my pneumonia hasn’t brought me down completely….yet haha.

I am happy to report that I have found a excellent cast! Wahoo!!! I could not be more excited. It is really great to see my film take a physical form. I am so pleased with the number of responses and interest in my film. It was hard to sort through everyone and pick the best people but I could not be more happy with who I have. I was so impressed with the enormous amount of talent that we have in the Twins Cities. It is also great to see people’s dedication to something as simple as a student film.

My first rehearsals are tomorrow Nov 1. I will post pictures so you can see my cast!! I am excited to see how the next weeks shape out and hopefully before we know it I will be shooting! Very excited and I cannot wait for you all to see. Thanks again for the support on my project and patience while I’ve been sick.

Thanks

Sam ::.

Record Spinning

“Half Light I” – Arcade Fire – The Suburbs

Rewrite…Refine…Rework….

I am in a state I like to call “Re”. I am rewriting, refining and reworking my story. I took a mini break from my script because I found myself over thinking and trying too hard to make it perfect. I was getting frustrated because I couldn’t get it just right. I had a meeting with one of my instructors and we talked about why I am sort of stuck in a rut. This story that I am writing is coming from a personal place. It is not a based on a true story exactly but more based on a life event that caused an emotional change inside me. I often thought about not sharing that this story means more to me then just something I am creating. If you have read my previous posts you saw that my two characters are dealing with loss and forgiveness. Renee the main girl character is dealing with something that was an accident that she can’t help but feel some what responsible for. I based her emotional “baggage” (for lack of a better term) on something I was going through.

Back in December of 2010 I got home from work late like I usually do. It was a perfect snowy December night in Minnesota. I was excited because I had just bought Inception on DVD and I was going to watch it. I walked into my apartment greeted by my cat Zoey changed out of my work clothes plugged in my Christmas lights and turned on the movie. In my peaceful place I faded off to sleep. Next thing I awake suddenly to a colorfully filled room, but something felt very wrong. I leaped up because I had heard a scream unlike something I have ever heard before. I spun to look towards the street. In a sea of white snow was a illuminating orange glow. The front porch of the house across the street from me was ablaze. It was engulfed in flames. I was already putting my boots on when I was brought back to reality by another scream. I grabbed my phone and headed out the door. I dialed 911 as I got to the bottom of my steps in front of my building. I got through and immediately started screaming for help. The operator told me to calm down. The words at the time seemed so absurd but I realize now that there was no way of understanding me, I am not entirely sure what I said was English. I slowed down and explained that we need fire trucks right away. Then there it was again that scream. My heart dropped. I then heard a loud bang and looked up people had busted open a window on the second story and were jumping down to the drive way. I relaxed with the thought that they were getting out. At this point more people were outside their homes on this snowy December morning it was about 3:15 am. They were helping the victims. My mind returned to the phone call and the operator reassured me that help was on the way but I needed to stay on the line with her to update her if anything changed. I looked down at my snow covered Uggs when it happened again. That scream. What how could this be? people were jumping to safety right? But no, my mind connected the thought my heart didn’t want to hear. Someone was stuck inside. I yelled into the phone the only words I could form. “Hurry, Where are they? They have to be hear now! Someone’s stuck inside”. I remember looking down the long and snow cover Selby Ave search and hoping for red flashing lights. I still to this day am not entirely sure what the operator said to me because I just keep repeating “No, No, they need to be here now…they need to be here now.” I heard it again the sound that will haunt me and has haunted me for the rest of my life. I dropped to my knees in the snowy street I remember looking up with the phone pressed against my ear. I still wasn’t listening to her, it had begun to snow. I remember thinking, How could something so beautiful be happening during something so incredibly horrible. I let the phone slip out of my hand as I hung up. I looked up until I heard it. The sound of trucks, sirens, help and hope. I am still not incredibly sure how much time passed looking up at the sky but it felt like days. I stood up as the trucks rolled up and the fireman burst into action, as I stood I noticed I had been crying I whipped the tears and waited. The more time passed the more I grew weary. I knew it was too late. I stood in the snow way beyond freezing. The glowing faded into darkness just like the hope from my heart. I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned around in my tracks and headed back to my apartment. I walked inside turned out all the lights and the TV. I walked into my room never pausing to look back at the scene. My body had never felt more heavy as I plopped into my bed. I rolled over as the tears began to fall. I laid awake all night listening and praying that some miracle would happen. The jubilant cries never came. The guilt started to set in. I felt a wave of nausea set in as a series of questions crossed my mind. “Why didn’t I do something?” “Why didn’t I try?” “Why didn’t I save him?”. I bolted out of bed to my bathroom where I vomited. I then sat up in the darkness and coldness of my bathroom floor and I lost it. I cried until there was nothing left. Exhausted I feel asleep on the bathroom floor. Praying and hoping that this was just a terrible terrible dream.

Forgive me and the length of my story, this is the first time that I have ever expressed and shared what happened to me in detail. The reason why I am sharing this with you is because I still deal with this event and this burden everyday. Every time I walk out my front door and look across the street there it is. When I shared with my class that this script I am writing is similar to a personal event a question was raised. Are you over it? I honestly answered No I was not. It then occurred to me that maybe this is the reason why I am having a hard time completing my script. This experience is not over for me, I have not fully learned the life lesson that is supposed to come with this event. I need to work out my own issues before fully understanding what transition my character needs to go through. I always pegged my self as the helper, the doer, the hero, the one that would always be there no matter what. That day I learned the lesson that yourself and your perception of yourself are two different things. I failed myself that night. I know and have heard everyone say that I did the right thing, I did everything that I could but I know I will always and forever feel like I let myself down that I let Micheal down. I know I won’t always feel so sad about it. I know that one day I will find that medium and I am going to take those necessary steps to moving on and I think that this film is my first test and real step towards doing that. I believe that everything happens for a reason and the reason for this pain that I, Michael and everyone close to him has felt is going to have a reason. I appreciate you reading my blog and better understanding why this project is so important to me. Here is a link about the Fire and Micheal.

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2010/12/11/1-dead-3-injured-in-st-paul-house-fire/#comments

Sam

Current Artist Playing: Bon Iver

Locations….Locations…Locations…Oh My!

Hey World.

Things are really starting to pick up on my end. I am making some final decisions and time is flying by. I have begun to pick apart and revise my script and try to envision it in my mind and coming up with the perfect locations. So far I have found two places that I want but just need permission to use. The first is a room at the Eden Prairie Community Center, I would use this room for all my grief group scenes. This is the places where Renee and Joseph meet and have several of their own revelations. Here are some pictures of the various rooms at the EPCC.

The next place I really want to get or hope to get is the bowling alley in the basement of the restaurant The Nook in St. Paul. Ben my teach suggested it to me first and it seemed like fate because I have a friend who works there. I am waiting to hear back from my friend about the conversation he will have with his boss. So everyone keep your fingers crossed that I can secure this location.

Ben my teacher is taking a leave to take care of his newest edition to his family. He had a daughter born labor day, so congratulations to him. Barbara a fellow instructor has taken over to help us with the last couple things we need to do before the quarter is over. Some would go as far as saying that she is the pre-production queen. I am excited to get her input on my script.

Progress

Hey

I know that it has been awhile since I have updated my blog. I have been busy as Summer is coming to an end. I’m working on my done draft. Yes that is my done draft. It is not my final copy as I am coming to realize that my script is forever changing and evolving. From talking to the other Seniors they are finding that their scripts are doing the same thing. I feel as if my writing is evolving and I am finding inspiration from various different places. I recently had to shoot a video outside in nature and it was my first time using the Cannon 5D Mark II. I think I feel in love with it. I like that it is compact and easy to shoot handheld but the quality it has is insane. It does not replace a video camera but it is good for a single shooter. I have been thinking of various equipment that I want to use on my film and I think I will be finding a place for the 5D. I also talked about it in class and found out that an entire episode of House was shot on a 5D.  It was episode 21 of the sixth season titled “Help Me”.  I couldn’t believe it. Here are some stills from that episode.

What I like the most about these cameras is the amount of rich colors that you can get from the camera and the phenomenal depth of field. I think one of these cameras will be top of my list once I graduate.